Take a Bird and a loco nut, mix it all up

The Bird (brains) have branched out. They’ve been spotted on the highways of Texas, most specifically I-35. So just in case there wasn’t enough to worry about while fighting your way through Dallas morning traffic, here’s something we really shouldn’t be surprised by.

(I hate it when I’m right about stupid things. It makes satire so much harder when the silliest thing you can think to make fun of at the moment actually comes true.)

Quick recap for those who missed previous multiple scooter references. I’ve mentioned (repeatedly) since motorized scooters began being dropped into cities throughout the country what a bad idea it was to expect human beings to operate them in a manner that reflects even a modicum of common sense.

It was only a matter of time until someone hopped on I-35 with one. Judging from the dash cam footage, he did just fine keeping with the flow of traffic, which although posted at 55, creeps along at a crisp 25-mph surges and neck-snapping full stops all day and night through Dallas.

As the popular meme says, “Dallas is an hour from Dallas,” which is illustrated by the fact a guy on a Bird scooter can cruise along in the hammer lane of I-35 and casually drop across five lanes of traffic without getting smashed.

Kudos to the drivers who saw him and avoided him before a dash cam happened to catch his Darwin Award nominee performance.