Slight Detour – March/April 2026

Food cravings can be a weird thing. Anyone who has ever been pregnant – or anyone who has ever been around someone who was pregnant – can attest that when a hankerin’ strikes, it can’t be ignored.

We begin this Slight Detour in Missouri, where police found this out firsthand while responding to a call that I can only presume was one of the worst cases of “the munchies” in recorded history.

In a recent Facebook post, the St. Charles County Police Department shared details from an overnight burglary at a convenience store. The post was accompanied by a picture showing one of the front doors vandalized, with broken glass spilling onto the sidewalk and entryway.

“The only suspect for this incident intentionally caused a felony amount of property damage to the business and entered the business to steal a misdemeanor amount of unspecified beef sticks,” the department’s post read.

Now, if you’re anything like me, you likely let out an “Oooh yeah!” in your best Randy “Macho Man” Savage voice after reading that. It’s totally understandable. If he were still alive, he’d likely be a prime suspect.

I’m not saying that a mean craving for a beef stick is a good reason to go all smash-and-grab, but I can certainly understand the desire behind it. I can’t say those are high on my list of foods I crave, but to each their own. Hopefully, this hungry crook learned a lesson in stocking up on your favorite snacks.

Drunk as a … raccoon?

Sticking with the breaking-and-entering theme, our next stop along this Slight Detour takes us to Virginia, where a masked bandit caused some late-night mischief.

After returning to work from a holiday break, the staff of a Virginia liquor store were shocked to find the store had been vandalized, with broken bottles and pools of liquor spread across the floor. If that wasn’t jarring enough, the staff soon realized the culprit was still on the premises.

It turns out a raccoon had made its way into the store, fell through the ceiling tiles, and had decided to go on a full-on bender. The staff found the intoxicated trash panda passed out in the bathroom between the toilet and the trash can.

Look, I’m not going to judge this little dude. I think the majority of us have passed out next to a toilet at least once.

Sadly, store cameras caught very little of the booze fest, but staff said it appeared the raccoon’s spirit of choice was scotch – an interesting choice for a novice drinker, making me think this may not have been his first pull off the bottle.

Animal control officer Samantha Martin was responsible for being the raccoon’s designated driver, giving the critter a chance to sober up before transporting it to a local shelter.

Martin said it was “just another day in the life of an animal control officer.” Had I known that hanging out with drunk animals was part of the job, I would have pivoted careers a long time ago. I guess it’s never too late for a fresh start.

After sleeping it off, the raccoon was returned to the wild, where I’m sure he has earned the reputation as a “party animal” with the rest of his woodland friends.

Deep in the heart of Texas

Drunken raccoons aren’t the only mystery of the woods on this Slight Detour. Our next stop takes us to Texas, where a trucker recently saw the “strangest thing” he’s seen in his 50 years on the road.

I’ll save you the long setup. It was a Bigfoot.

Sure, you can choose to be a skeptic, but I’m just gonna roll with it. This is the second time I’ve written about a driver spotting the elusive creature, so the element of surprise has been ruined for me.

According to a report from the Bigfoot Field Research Organization – which is a legitimate group with employees and everything – truck driver Wayne Yarian saw the Sasquatch while driving near Garden Valley, Texas, around 80 miles east of Dallas.

If you’re thinking maybe he didn’t get a good look, you’d be mistaken. The driver reported it was sunny and clear in the early afternoon when he spotted the Bigfoot.

The driver said he saw the Sasquatch for around 5-10 seconds, which he said was “long enough to know and realize what it was.” Yarian said the creature was roughly 7 feet tall and walking at an “average pace with purpose,” which makes me feel like it was late for an appointment.

The BFRO conducted a follow-up interview with the driver and even scoured the area where the Bigfoot was spotted for tracks and hair fibers. To the likely surprise of no one but the BFRO staff, nothing was found.

So, the search continues. I’m going to continue to hold out hope, but if I’m being completely honest, I’m beginning to lose faith in the Bigfoot hunting community. It’s almost like they’re chasing after something that doesn’t exist.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention an important nugget of info we gleaned from the BFRO after the last sighting from a trucker, which is to tap your brakes if you see a Bigfoot. Doing this should trigger the truck’s cameras to record, helping capture images of the reclusive animals. That was an actual recommendation. You can’t make this stuff up.

On a wing and a prayer

I’m all for creative solutions and outside-the-box thinking. We end this slight detour with a best-laid plan that still ended poorly.

In a recent post on X, the South Carolina Department of Corrections shared a picture of an intercepted contraband package that someone had attempted to sneak into the Lee Correctional Institution.

Inside the package were steaks, crab legs, Old Bay seasoning, two cartons of cigarettes and some weed – otherwise known as everything you need for a good time. It wasn’t just the contents that were surprising, but also how they arrived at the prison. Officials said the contraband was dropped there by a drone.

Now, I admittedly have very little knowledge of the inner workings of a prison. I haven’t spent much time there, and I don’t plan to change that, but I really need to know how they planned to cook these items. I love me some surf and turf, but if the plan was to put some Old Bay and those crab legs in a metal toilet, I think I’m going to pass. LL