Slight Detour – December 2024/January 2025

I’m a sucker for tall tales and conspiracy theories. Maybe it was years of watching “The X Files” growing up, but I want to believe. And we start this Slight Detour with a trucker who recently encountered something, well, unbelievable.

Gary Rutherford is a driver based in Illinois. Six days a week, he makes the trek from Glasford to Canton, hauling loads for the U.S. Postal Service. While driving the route early one Saturday, around 6 a.m., Rutherford saw something unexpected: A Bigfoot.

I’ll let that sink in for a second.

Wanting his sighting to be recorded, the driver filed a report with the Bigfoot Field Research Organization, which is actually a thing and has been around since 1995. The group is made up of “scientists, journalists and specialists from diverse backgrounds” who are collectively “engaged in projects, including field and laboratory investigations, designed to address various aspects of the Bigfoot phenomenon.”

In his report, Rutherford said he saw the Sasquatch walking toward the rural highway “as if it was trying to cross the road.” The driver described the creature as a “very tall brown creature with a lot of fur” with “very large, yellow, glowing eyes.”

Rutherford estimated the Bigfoot was around 8 feet tall, saying the head of the creature was “at the same height as his own head as he sat in the cab.”

The driver said he was alone in the truck, but there were other motorists on the road at the time. Sadly, none of them had the thought to report a sighting to the group.

A follow-up investigation was conducted by BFRO investigator Matthew Moneymaker, because why not? Moneymaker said he spoke to the driver “at length” about his encounter. And, honestly, it’s some pretty solid investigative reporting.

In his investigation, Moneymaker asked the driver if he had dashcam footage of the sighting. While Rutherford’s truck was equipped with both driver-facing and forward-facing cameras, the truck’s camera was in power-saving mode and did not record the event. The driver’s company did offer the driver-facing camera footage so Rutherford could see his reaction to the sighting – which I would honestly love to see – but could not provide video evidence of the encounter.

This revelation led Moneymaker to add a “note to trucking company bosses in the area” as part of his report.

“Remind your drivers to tap the brakes slightly if the truck has a company dashcam and they spot a Sasquatch on the side of the road,” Moneymaker wrote. “That should trigger the camera to retain the clip of the braking event and the 10-30 seconds preceding the event.”

Now, I’m not certain how many local trucking companies passed this message along to their drivers. My hunch is not many. So, I’ll do the heavy lifting here and pass along this valuable nugget.

If you see a Sasquatch, tap your brakes. This one small act could be the key to unraveling the mystery of Bigfoot. I know truckers have a lot on their plates already, but I – and the dedicated team at the BFRO – would greatly appreciate your efforts.

Take off, hoser!

The infamous Bigfoot isn’t the only thing truckers have to be on the lookout for. We take a slight detour and add flying pumpkins to that list, as well.

The Ontario Provincial Police – or OPP for those who are down with that – recently responded to three late-night incidents where pumpkins were thrown from highway overpasses at moving semis.

The first of the three projectiles were hurled around 2:30 a.m. on the eastbound lanes of Highway 401. According to police, the pumpkin hit the windshield of a tractor-trailer, “causing extensive damage.”

Around 40 minutes later, officers received two more reports of trucks being hit by pumpkins in the eastbound lanes of Highway 402, roughly 7 miles from the first report. One of the trucks was reported to have “significant damage” to the windshield. The other truck was luckier, with the pumpkin missing the windshield entirely but still causing damage to the truck itself.

Fortunately, no injuries were reported as a result of the gourd-throwing spree, and police said that all three trucks were able to safely pull over to the shoulder of the road following the pumpkin-spiced pummeling.

As of press time, OPP did not have any suspects in the case, with one report indicating officials were offering a $2,000 reward for any information.

If I’m being entirely honest, there are certain parts of holidays – like pumpkins in the fall – that make me wonder what we do with them the rest of the year. I can’t say I’ve had a slice of pumpkin pie in March.

So, naturally, I Googled “things to do with pumpkins.” There’s not much, really, other than the usual suspects of roasted seeds and baked goods like pie and bread. Nowhere did I find “hurl them from an overpass.”

Look, I get it – we all like watching food explode. Hell, the comedian known as Gallagher made a name for himself from it. But could we please leave that task to his Sledge-O-Matic rather than the windshields of moving semis?

Fit for a king

If you’re anything like me, you have a discerning palate when it comes to where you prefer to “drop trou” when nature calls.

Fortunately, the fine folks at Cintas understand the needs of even the pickiest of poopers. The Mason, Ohio-based company recently crowned the winner of its annual America’s Best Restroom contest.

Now in its 23rd year, the restroom contest “celebrates businesses that develop and maintain innovative restroom facilities,” according to Cintas.

A Salt Lake City-based chain, Maverik – Adventure’s First Stop, took home the coveted crown for 2024.

These travel centers faced some stiff competition for the throne (pun intended), with Cintas whittling the list of nominees down to 10 finalists based on “cleanliness, visual appeal, innovation, functionality and unique design elements.”

So the next time you come across a Maverik, stop and cross “take a dump at the nicest bathroom in the country” off the ol’ bucket list.

A proper goodbye

We round out this edition of Slight Detour with the type of farewell I for one hope I get.

It’s not often that obituaries go viral, but when they do, it’s typically for good reason. That was the case for Robert Boehm, whom family described as “a semi-professional truck driver – not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver” in their parting words.

“Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on Oct. 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over ‘some stupid mother****ing thing’ and hitting his head on the floor,” the obituary read.

Yep, just going full steam right out the gate.

What followed was the kind of light-hearted ribbing that only those closest to you can create. In my world, and clearly Robert’s, this is how we love. If the insults stop, the love has run dry – so why let them end at death?

“We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert’s antics up to this point,” the obituary continued, “but he is God’s problem now.”

It does my heart good to know his family cared enough to send him out the way he would have wanted – complete with backhanded compliments and snarky jabs. I hope my children are taking notes. LL