Slight Detour – August/September 2024

Often the unexpected things in life are the most rewarding. I realize it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I do love a good surprise.

This month’s edition of Slight Detour shines a light on those unexpected – and sometimes unwelcome – moments from the road.

The undefeated champion

Truck-eating bridges: They are all over the country, waiting for unsuspecting drivers to shear the tops off their trailers like an Army barber cutting hair on the first day of boot camp.

In Kansas City, Mo., there’s the Independence Avenue Bridge – or as locals lovingly refer to it, the “Undefeated Champ.” It is tattered and worn from years of battle with all comers, weathered and grizzled with a subtle grace, like the late Jack Palance.

Despite the bridge’s unblemished record and a bevy of warning systems, truckers regularly test its might. According to the Kansas City Police Department, there have been 40 documented collisions with the bridge since 2020 – each meeting a similar fate.

The city has gone to exhaustive efforts to warn drivers of the low clearance, to no avail. Most recently, the city installed warning curtains ahead of the bridge, only to have a truck take them out just six days later.

So what to do after all of those measures have failed? Well, I guess you just lean into it.

That’s what the Northeast Kansas City Chamber of Commerce is doing. The group has awarded four artists one wall of the bridge to paint a mural paying homage to the truck-eating monster.

The designs are nothing short of phenomenal, with one showing a troll waiting under the bridge as he eyes a tasty truck and trailer headed his way. Another shows a truck driving into a mouth of a giant “hungry-hungry” hippo, while yet another, titled “Venus FlyTruck,” has giant truck-eating plants feasting on semis with wings.

The chamber hopes the murals will help bring awareness to the bridge while also helping to cover up unsightly graffiti that covers the walls surrounding the Undefeated Champ. Whatever the outcome, I know it brought a smile to my face to see the creativity of the artists. And now, drivers who test the mighty beast will have something nice to look at while waiting for a tow truck.

A crappy situation

It has been a while since we have covered a fecal fiasco in this column – there for a while, it seemed like once a month a truck was dropping a deuce on unsuspecting victims – but much like new leaves in the spring, its return was seemingly inevitable.

For that tale of woe, we head to the small town of Pomfret, Conn. Nestled in the northeastern part of the state, the small town with a population of just over 4,000 was once home to Academy Award-winning actress Renée Zellweger. That fact is not important, but it was legitimately the most interesting thing I found about the place.

It’s also home to Ann Bedard, who was the recent recipient of an unanticipated dung delivery when a truck transporting manure rolled over at the intersection by her home, spilling its load onto her lawn, vehicles and home.

“It was like literally a waterfall of brown,” Bedard told the local news. “All of a sudden, we see the sewer come out of the truck and then the petrol was coming out of the top. It was just flooded down our property.”

Some people paint vivid pictures with words.

The baffling part to me, and something I’ve often wondered: How bad was the smell? According to Bedard – who said her windows were open the whole time – and one of the members of the clean-up crew, it was not that bad “even when it was fresh.” I am not even sure how to process that information, but I guess I will have to take their word for it.

Officials said there was no immediate safety threat from the spill and that the area’s water – which operates on a well system – was safe to use. Bedard said she used the water the next morning to make coffee, proving she is far braver than I.

Well, this is awkward

Now it’s a good time to give some praise to the quick-thinking daughter of a trucker.

A driver in Florida recently had his truck stolen. In what can only be described as an act of serendipity, the stolen truck was spotted by his 22-year-old daughter as she was driving on the Palmetto Expressway.

The young woman, who wished to remain anonymous, said she was shocked to see her father’s truck driving down the highway and became a “little NASCAR driver” to catch up to the stolen rig.

“We were following him for a very long time, 20 to 30 minutes,” she said. “He made this very awkward turn, and then we had to make that very awkward turn behind him.”

The young woman called the authorities and tailed the truck the whole time. Eventually, police were able to bring the truck to a stop and slap the cuffs on the thieves. The woman’s father had some high praise for his daughter after the incident.

“He said, ‘Eres una llegua,’” she said. “A female horse. Like, ‘You’re a beast,’ you know what I’m saying?”

I do know what you’re saying.

Kudos not only to that young woman but also to her parents for bringing her up right. She got that dog in her. I know Father’s Day just passed, but this might be the nicest thing you could do for your dad.

Backyard hero

Most truckers have heard about the Highway Hero award, but after hearing this next story, I think we may need a Backyard Hero award.

Bill Boski was recently hanging out in the backyard of his Michigan home with his friends Tyler Whalen and John Ptaszenski. While the three men were enjoying the evening, a fourth decided to join the trio – a raccoon that had wandered out of the woods behind Boski’s home.

As the three men and their new woodland pal were enjoying each other’s company, things took a turn for the worse. Rocket the raccoon (as the men had taken to calling him) had dug in the trash and had found a piece of cheese.

Whalen said that’s when the furry critter did “this weird thing,” rearing up on his hind legs and giving the men “the universal sign for choking.”

“It was really strange,” Whalen said. “I was like, ‘Billy you might want to check this out.’ Next thing I know, Billy is over there patting him on the back.”

I know, there is a lot to unpack there, but I’ll keep moving.

Springing into action, Boski performed what we’ll call a “modified version” of the Heimlich, raining down blows on the back of his ring-tailed friend. After a little coaching from Whalen, the efforts paid off, and the piece of cheese dislodged from the trash panda’s throat.

Fortunately, the heroic act was all caught on video, which soon went viral. The men said they have not seen Rocket since his near-fatal encounter with the piece of cheese, but I’m sure he’s thankful for the assist. I’d like to think he told his little raccoon friends about the time a human saved his life. LL