Dashboard Confidential – June 2022
In some of my former gigs, I had the great opportunity to work with film crews doing TV commercials, mainstream movies like Michael Keaton’s two Batman flicks, Woody Harrelson’s “The Cowboy Way,” Warren Beatty’s ’41 Cadillac for “Bugsy,” and more.
Probably my high point was lunch at the Warner Bros., commissary at the table next to Danny Devito (The Penguin), Michelle Pfeiffer (Catwoman) and Michael Keaton (Batman) in full makeup and costume. I tried not to stare and enjoyed the lunch. Forgive me for name-dropping, but Catwoman.
One of my more interesting and maddening works was a location shoot for one of the high-end car companies. We were using the beautiful country setting on the private estate of the gentleman who owned Entenmann’s Bakery in Long Island, N.Y. His own private roads, rolling countryside, split rail fences – it was quite beautiful.
The car manufacturer was quite secretive about the car, so it stayed covered until our security arrived.
Two hired off-duty New York state troopers would run the perimeter, scouting out spies in the treetops. I rode along on a few. Just for fun, the trooper ran the plate on the film car, and it came back stolen. The plate turned out to be a stage prop, so a small sigh of relief and a few laughs.
At the end of the day’s shoot – the crew had finished early – the director decided to use the location as if it were in Japan, for a different perspective. Because in Japan they drive on the opposite side of the road from the U.S., the passing lane stripes and dashes were on the wrong side.
The head of production instructed the construction guys to go to the hardware store to buy two mechanics creepers, gray and yellow paint, a case of tape, paint rollers and pans. They were going to scoot down the hill on the creepers, cover up the existing dotted lines and re-paint them, one dash at a time, for about a half mile.
Me, being a thoughtful chap, cornered the production manager away from everyone else and offered an observation. I suggested that in the phone book would be listings of guys with a sprayer truck who do parking lot stripes and it would take minutes rather than hours to do the stripe changes.
I got the worst case of “stink-eye” that quickly turned into an education. I was politely informed that the car company has a healthy budget to spend, and it was the film company’s job to not only supply them with a superior film but to also help them spend all of the budget.
I got the message.
I was also given the rest of the day off with pay, told to go back to the hotel, enjoy the pool, the open bar tab and, in the future, not share my brilliant ideas with the wrong people. Probably the best tail chewing I ever got.
The next day, we were shooting on the upper level of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge that goes from Staten Island into Brooklyn. The film company had “rented” the upper level of the bridge on a beautiful early Sunday morning.
Orange cones and the overhead red lights and electric CLOSED signs told the motoring public to use the lower level of the bridge. We had NYPD on location on both ends of the bridge as the camera car chased our film car back and forth across the bridge. I was camped out near the catering truck with several NYPD officers, enjoying the view and watching the action, swapping stories.
Suddenly, a car, not one of ours, comes barreling up the bridge. Our bridge. Our closed bridge. This yahoo ignored the red lights, ran over several cones at about 70 mph, and was heading for our film and camera cars.
One of the NYPD officers jumps in his car and heads straight for the oncoming yahoo and gets him stopped. No damage, no harm done, tragedy averted. It turns out the two yahoos in the car were buzzed.
Their excuse (reasoning) was, “We’re from Boston. We’re not from around here.” The arresting officer asked if they had red lights, road closed signs and orange cones in Boston. The driver failed a sobriety test and got a free ride in a patrol car. The car was towed and yahoo No. 2 had to find a ride home.
While all this was winding down, an NYPD helicopter is flying over, then, alongside our location midway up the bridge. Four patrol cars came screaming up the bridge from the Brooklyn side, lights and sirens going full tilt boogey.
I listened to a bit of their radio traffic with one of the officers, as it looked like it was about to get intense.
It seemed the second floor never told the first floor what we were doing, and the SWAT team thought the bridge was being held hostage. We were about to be rescued from ourselves. Cool!
You can’t buy entertainment like this.
Happy trails. LL